Dad’s shed used for masturbation, not for woodwork projects as previously thought

A family has been coming to terms with the realisation that Dad’s shed has, for the past 15 years, not been used for small woodwork and minor DIY projects as previously thought.

The shed has instead been the secret location of the father of three’s sordid sessions of self-abuse.

The secret was revealed when 10-and-a-half-year-old Henry Thorpe walked in through the back door and asked his shocked mother why nobody in the crusty old magazine he’d found was wearing any clothes.

After asking Henry where he’d found the copy of Razzle, published in 1992, Mrs Thorpe conducted a thorough search of the garden shed where she found what sources describe as a “mammoth stash” of well used one-handed literature.