“We need a new kind of politics” claims washed-up Tony Blair tribute act

Without a drop of irony and with a completely straight face, Tory-lite, neoliberal Blairite Chuka Umunna has declared that ‘politics is broken’ and that he, along with his newly formed band of turncoats are set to introduce a brand new kind of politics never before seen in the UK (except when it definitely, absolutely was – under Tony Blair).

The new group of MPs, which includes several other Blairites, made the announcement earlier today:

“We may look like Tony Blair, we may sound like Tony Blair, our policies may be exactly the same as Tony Blair’s, one of our members may even have gone out with Tony Blair’s son at one point– but we are definitely a new kind of politics that’s completely different from Tony Blair’s kind of politics. Nothing to do with Tony Blair… honestly, it’s brand new.”

The new group has formed as a limited company, rather than a political party, so under UK electoral law is not obliged to declare who has provided funding to support their totally new, never-before-seen-in-the-UK kind of politics. It’s probably not Tony Blair, why would he have any kind of interest in it, given that it’s a totally new kind of politics… nothing to do with him at all.

When questioned whether or not they had any plans to illegally invade a foreign country, the group declined to answer, stating that ‘they hadn’t spoken to President Trump yet’.