Tories preparing to replace one malignant, self-serving psychopath with another malignant, self-serving psychopath

The Conservative Party are preparing for change by swapping out one malignant, self-serving psychopath for another.

The resignation of the unspeakably incompetent Theresa May has sparked a flurry of scheming, lying and backstabbing among those tipped to replace her.

While it’s yet unclear whether the future leader will rival May’s ability to fuck up absolutely everything she does, it is expected that the new leader will share her passion for making fake promises to the working classes, refusing to compromise on important issues and putting the needs of Tory party donors and supporters above the needs of the country.