“I’m the fucking daddy now” May told

Speaker of the House John Bercow has sensationally smacked down Prime Minister May and declared himself the daddy of parliament.

The two faced-off in a dingy basement under the Palace of Westminster. During the exchange, which lasted only a few seconds, Bercow asked a somewhat disconcerted May what her intentions were regarding her Brexit deal:

“Where’s you’re fucking Bill?” Bercow demanded through a sadistic grin. “What fucking Bill?” May asked. “This fucking Bill” Bercow responded as he violently caved in the side of May’s skull with a sock containing several pool balls obtained minutes before from the pool table in the Parliamentary bar.

Witnesses then report that Bercow stood over the PM, who was whimpering and blowing blood bubbles from her nose and bellowed “I’m the fucking daddy now! No Bills pass through this Parliament unless I say so” before stomping off to retake his seat at the head of Parliament.