Humpty Dumpty found fit for work by DWP

Humpty Dumpty spoke of his disbelief yesterday after learning that he had been found fit for work after an assessment by the Department for Work and Pensions.

Dumpty, who has been left unable to walk, talk, move or even breathe since suffering a great fall that smashed him asunder, has been signed off work for months.

The DWP has now however, found that he is fit and able to work after scoring one point above the threshold that would see him entitled to disability benefits.

A statement on behalf of Dumpty was read outside the appeals court this morning:

 “I just can’t believe it. Doctor after doctor has told me that under no circumstances should I be going back to work. Since my accident I’ve had several unsuccessful medical interventions. Even all the King’s men couldn’t put me back together again for fucks sake! Yet these Tory bastards at the DWP have stopped all my benefits and expect me just to carry on as though nothing’s happened.”

When questioned, a spokesperson for the DWP brushed aside Dumpty’s concerns and questioned why he was sitting on the wall in the first place.