Boris Johnson denied access to intelligence… his whole life

Allegations have come to light that Boris Johnson has been denied access to intelligence for his entire life.

The revelations came earlier today when it emerged that Johnson was denied access to intelligence upon his appointment to the role of Foreign Secretary.

Sources close to Johnson have confirmed however, that intelligence has always been something that’s passed him by, even from a young age.

“He’s always been thick as pig shit” an eye witness stated, “long before he was making massive blunders as Foreign Secretary, he bungled his way through his early years. The daft fucker was always bumping into walls, they even had to teach him how to breathe”.

It’s thought that if Boris becomes PM he will still have zero access to intelligence, which to be honest, is fairly worrying.