Boris Johnson has promised to repay the trust that Northern towns have given him by guaranteeing a massive dose of rickets for all Northern children.
A Sun reader was recovering from shock and confusion earlier today after agreeing with something Jeremy Corbyn said. The man, Rob Dobson (38) who has
Conservative party chairman James Cleverly is to be permanently replaced by an empty chair after the chair was widely considered to have performed much better
Nicola Sturgeon suffering from 3rd degree friction burns after rubbing hands together at prospect of Johnson premiership
Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon is recovering in hospital after suffering horrific friction burns to her hands. It’s been reported that the burns were inflicted
People who have never been interested in cricket have reaffirmed their assertion that the game is shite, despite England’s dramatic victory in the world cup.
Allegations have come to light that Boris Johnson has been denied access to intelligence for his entire life. The revelations came earlier today when it
Former Chancellor George Osborne has asked the person standing next to him to hold his rolled up £50 note while he utterly destroys his fellow
Donald Trump has defied diplomatic norms by coming out in support of fellow lying oaf with stupid hair – Boris Johnson’s bid to become PM.
Tories preparing to replace one malignant, self-serving psychopath with another malignant, self-serving psychopath
The Conservative Party are preparing for change by swapping out one malignant, self-serving psychopath for another. The resignation of the unspeakably incompetent Theresa May has
Most sensible people in the UK and Europe breathed a collective sigh of relief this morning after the cosmic catastro-fuck that is Brexit was sensationally
Labour defector Angela Smith has denied being a racist stating that some of her best friends are of various funny tinges. When questioned what was
Without a drop of irony and with a completely straight face, Tory-lite, neoliberal Blairite Chuka Umunna has declared that ‘politics is broken’ and that he,
The Duke of Edinburgh was last night adamant that his ability to cause car crashes would not be hindered by the fact he no longer
It has been sensationally revealed that a statue of Margaret Thatcher is to be erected on the surface of the moon, 384,400 km away from
Celebrity shit-stirrer Piers Morgan is absolutely fuming because of some stupid shit that is of absolutely no consequence to neither himself or most other people.
A grandfather of 2 was yesterday defending his right to emerge from T-junctions into the path of oncoming vehicles and then to drive 20-25% slower
Cartoon character Mickey Mouse has been awarded a government contract to run extra ferries in the event of a no deal Bexit, it has emerged.
UKIP are to appoint the school bully who viciously attacked a helpless Syrian refugee as a special adviser it has been revealed. The party’s leader
Pantomime villain ‘journalist’ and all-round cunt storm Dan Hodges was last night struggling to explain a depraved shrine devoted to Jeremy Corbyn found in his
Experts spoke yesterday of their fears that bee populations in the UK may be even lower than previously thought. The warning came after it was
Gingers up and down the UK have been wondering if they will make it through the long hot summer of 2018 alive, after experts predicted
A you gov poll has found that the public believe a sack of half-rotten potatoes would do a better job of negotiating Brexit than the
An enquiry has heard that a young soldier marching under orders from the Grand Old Duke of York died from heat exhaustion. 21-year-old Private Seymour
Man who’s campaigned on anti-racist platform for 30 years is racist claims woman who doesn’t like him
A veteran anti-racist campaigner of over 30 years has been accused of racism by a woman who doesn’t like him, it’s been revealed. The accusations
Boris Johnson rose from the backbenches yesterday to deliver his resignation speech in which he made clear that there was ‘still time’ to save his
Tensions were running high last night as it became clear that all the lawns in the street were dead or dying except Mr Wilson’s in
Michael Gove has sensationally admitted that it was wrong for the official Leave campaign to whip up fears about immigration, including his own bullshit lies
The first child in the UK to be named ‘Khaleesi’ after the fictional character in George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire has
Moron England fans who celebrated win by destroying taxi, pledge to wreck double decker bus if England win world cup
A group of drunken, moronic England football fans who celebrated an England win by destroying the livelihood of a taxi driver have promised to annihilate
A customer who visited a trendy coffee shop was last night recovering from shock after the barista serving her was friendly, welcoming and treated her
Lionel Richie last night spoke of his shock at being told it was in fact not him the caller was looking for. Richie told sources
An overweight, middle aged, white, taxi driver with no formal education has been identified as the world’s leading expert on politics, economics and cultural anthropology
Woman who received ground-breaking, lifesaving operation from eminent surgeon credits God with her survival
A woman was last night praising God for her “miracle” recovery after a highly distinguished surgeon performed a ground-breaking 17-and-a-half-hour operation to save her life.
A family has been coming to terms with the realisation that Dad’s shed has, for the past 15 years, not been used for small woodwork
A man from Barnsley who confidently stated that he voted for Brexit because he thought it would stop Muslims from gaining entrance to the UK,
A spiritual yoga teacher was yesterday struggling to define exactly what she meant by “energy” when questioned by a newcomer to the class. Bob, a
The company behind the disastrous PM1000 Maybot model have decided to recall the unit after a series of catastrophic blunders. Conservadine Systems have admitted that
The last ever stool passed by Diana Princess of Wales is to go under the hammer later this week and is expected to fetch up
Defender of the environment and superhero Captain Planet was left red-faced at the supermarket checkout yesterday as it was revealed he’d purchased several disposable carrier
A group of scientists have agreed to make an attempt to remove the grotesquely smug look of satisfaction from the face of Labour MP Chuka
It has been reported that Boris Johnson is planning to deliver a hip-breaking wedgie to Theresa May in the hope that she will finally give